when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
