I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
