its not stalking. its research.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
