And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
