apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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