I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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