I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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