You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
