And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
