nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
