Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
