You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
