I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
