shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
