I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
