There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
