it wasn't lemon gatorade
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
