whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
