Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
