Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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