New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
