meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
