Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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