goodnight i made you a song goodbye
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize