I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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