you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I deserve this hangover.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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