dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
