Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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