This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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