Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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