I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize