well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
