drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
