Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
