Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
