i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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