life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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