I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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