Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
