You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
