when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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