is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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