Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
