and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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