Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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