Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
