just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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