The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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