dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
