The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
