She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm at about main and main street
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
