hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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