My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
