Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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