maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
