you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
