At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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