he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
