I want to stick my p in your. b.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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