The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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