the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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