She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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