is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
