How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
