***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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