I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
