My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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