bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I FOUND THE LEGS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
