How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
